What time the game starts matters, scientifically, to me.
Jack Reacher, the patron saint of wandering the United States and fighting people, has a saying, a mantra of sorts. “Details matter.” And I agree with him, especially when it comes to watching basketball. So the start times of Dallas Mavericks games matter to me, a viewer, a lot.
I don’t know what the Mavericks’ record is based on a game’s start time. That information is probably out there somewhere, though. It doesn’t concern me, though, because I don’t work for the team, I just watch them. I’m more worried about how the start time affects me, the main character of basketball watching.
Below, I’ve graded all the various start times of Mavericks games. My criteria was simple: how does the start time affect me, a person who enjoys watching basketball, but is often hampered by the trials and tribulations of the human experience. I get sleepy, bored, etc.
Another note—all start times are Central Time Zone. There’s plenty of reasons to go with this time zone. The Mavericks play in it, after all. But it’s also the best time zone. Everything starts too late on the East Coast, too early on the West Coast. The ultimate proof is that Conan O’Brien did a yearly New Year’s Eve show for the Central Time Zone and it’s better than any other New Year’s Eve show ever, past, present, or future.
Anyway, here are the very scientific, important start time grades:
12:00 p.m. on a weekend: C+
There’s never a reason for an NBA game to tip off at noon. You expect me to watch basketball before I’ve finished lunch? Ridiculous. Do NBA players even wake up before noon on a normal day? I doubt it. There should be legislation against it.
2 p.m. on a weekend: B+
Solid start time right here. I’ve had time to run some errands, eat lunch, and get settled. If the weather’s right and the game is boring, maybe it turns into a little nap. Then I’ve got the evening to spend time with the family, or go see a movie. The Mavericks shouldn’t have to be on a national TV broadcast for me to get a 2 p.m. start time. I deserve one or two nice things.
7:30 p.m. on a weekday: C-
The Mavericks start their games at the ungodly hour of 7:30 p.m., one of the few NBA teams that do so. It’s probably for a variety of reasons, like traffic in Dallas-Fort Worth being atrocious. Or to give what former Dallas sports radio great Randy Galloway called the “North Texas Beautiful People” a chance to filter in, since they love to show up late because a Mavericks game is more of a social appearance than a basketball game to them.
Add in the fact that the games actually start at 7:45 p.m., and the game stretches on into eternity. I’ve got to go to work tomorrow, man. I’m just sitting around waiting for a game to start. It’s not right, and the Mavericks have to be stopped.
6:00 p.m. on a weekday: A+
Otherwise known as “The Lord’s Start Time,” 6:00 p.m. on a weekday is almost perfect. It’s rare that the Mavericks get this schedule. They either have to be playing in the Eastern Time Zone, or on a early national TV game. But when they do, it’s beautiful. You get home from work and the game is on. It ends before 9:00 p.m. and you can watch an episode of your favorite TV show and still get a good night’s sleep. More of this, please.
9:00 p.m. on a weekend: B-
A Mavericks West Coast game can actually be pleasant when you don’t have to wake up early the next day. Sure, I’ll probably still fall asleep watching it, but falling asleep to a basketball game is pretty pleasant (see the 2 p.m. start time above). Sometimes the game is exciting and keeps you up. Also fun!
9:00 p.m. on a weekday: F-
Should be illegal. Shouldn’t exist. Ban 9:00 p.m. starts. You’re tired by the time they start. You’re just waiting around for the game to begin. You’re starting to get hungry again and you have to stay up for almost three more hours? No. I rebuke these late starts. They are evil and I do not like them.